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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in orange aquarium's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
10:59 am
I'm so sneaky
You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Just when you thought I'd actually post something of value, I go and deliver a cheesy 80's quiz.

Current Mood: sleepy

(3 bruises | hit me)

Sunday, December 28th, 2003
12:41 pm
I'm back!
So, I've decided to come back. This is mostly for three reasons. One: I've been getting bugged. Two: I've been so busy with work and life that I've virtually stopped all forms of writing, which I used to engage in incessantly and which I miss painfully. Three: I feel guilty and I have no idea why. So, I figured there was no better way to jump back into the world of cyber journaling than by filling out Kevin's New Years survey for my beautiful audience of three. So here goes.

1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? Graduated from college, got a new job working as a legal assistant at a law firm in Manhattan, wrote and got published in a real newspaper (front page!). Oh yeah, and I went on my first business trip. So I guess that also means I've visited two more states: Ohio and Kentucky.
2. Did you keep your New Year resolution and will you make more for next year? I honestly don't know what my New Years resolution was. I probably won't make one this year though, as I disappoint myself enough already and don't need a monumental resolution to break to make myself feel worse.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? MoeMoe's sister-in-law, but I've never met her, so no.
4. Did anyone close to you die? No, I've been blessed this year.
5. What countries did you visit in 2003? Just the US this year. :(
6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? My own apartment (that I'm paying for), a more solid grasp on my future plans for grad school and career, and general independence from my parents and my significant other. Also, a cheerier outlook.
7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
May 10: Graduation
Sept. 26: Steve leaves for Scotland and breaks my heart
Oct. 9: James walks into my life and quickly remedies that
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I'll have to agree with Kevin. Graduating from college and starting life in the real world.
9. What was your biggest failure? My inability to love myself enough to be alone. I also feel as though I should be challenging myself more.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Quarter-life Crisis. That's about it. Blessed again. I did survive a few killer hangovers, however.
11. What was the best thing you bought? My iBook and Billy Collins' "Sailing Alone Around the Room." Oh, and tickets to see Le Tigre.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Steve. He has always been, particularly in this last year, a martyr for my emotional well-being. He is also, as I'm beginning to realize, the most real person I've ever met. I miss him every day.
My brother. I've met him (in the figurative sense) for the first time this year and I am so grateful to finally have a brother who is quickly becoming one of my best friends and most sincere confidants.
MoeMoe. For being a diamond among bits of coal and proof, yet again, that you can fall in love with your best friends.
James. For saving me from myself, in a sense.
And these are just the new cast of characters. Here's to everyone else (and you know who you are) who has been in my life for years, who I am also in love with, and who make my life brighter every day just by breathing.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I don't think I need to go there, it's obvious to everyone I know. But it doesn't matter, they're gone.
14. Where did most of your money go? My iBook, social revelry, Christmas presents.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Seeing Ani, meeting someone new, the months of May and June, Christmas, me and Sue's future apartment.
16. What song will always remind you of 2003? The whole Tori Amos "Scartlet's Walk" album, the whole Ani DiFranco "Evolve" album, Sebadoh's "Skull," Ben Folds' "The Luckiest," Ani DiFranco's "Shameless" and any song James has ever burned for me.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder? About the same, with the expected ups and downs.
ii. Thinner or fatter? Thinner
iii. Richer or poorer? Richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Written. Other than that, I do everything to the hilt.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Been scared of myself.
20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it with the fam, and then celebrated our own Christmas with James.
22. Did you fall in love in 2003? Yes. Three times. Blessed again.
23. How many one-night stands? Objection. Question irrelevant.
24. What was your favorite TV program? Six Feet Under, no doubt.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Hate's a strong word. I've lost respect for some.
26. What was the best book you read? There's quite a few. Catie Rosemurgy's "My Favorite Apocalypse" (poetry), Billy Collins's "Sailing Alone Around the Room" (poetry), Evelyn Waugh's "Handful of Dust," Graham Greene's "Brighton Rock," Dan Brown's "The DaVinci Code," Elaine Pagels's "The Gnostic Gospels."
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I have a new musical discovery every day. Hmmm...Rilo Kiley, The Postal Service, Stevie Wonder
28. What did you want and get? an iPod and a record player. And I got that, thanks to my parents and James, respectively. I also really wanted a job, and I got the one I wanted. Again with the blessedness.
29. What did you want and not get? A good-paying job in publishing, but those don't exist, so that's just wishful thinking.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Can't remember. I really enjoyed Adaptation and Joe Dirt.
31. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? I turned 22. Sue came to visit at JMU and we went out with Steve and the roomies. We also had an Under the Sea themed party.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Being sure about what I wanted in life and in a partner. It was a confusing year in love and career.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? I've never been able to describe my fashion concept. But if I had to, I'd say H&M meets pretentious artist meets the 70's.
34. What Who kept you sane? MoeMoe, Susan, Julie, Patrick and Ani DiFranco, the realization of my youth.
5. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? As always, Ani.
36. What political issue stirred you the most? This country's lack of democracy. Gay marriage.
37. Who did you miss? Steve.
38. Who was the best new person you met? Without a doubt, MoeMoe and James.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003? That I am, in fact, still young, and that I have so much more to do and discover in this lifetime. I owe that discovery to James who, being 29, is accomplished and still goal-oriented. Kevin wrote: "You can always learn more, especially from those you least expect it." I think that's a very important concept, especially the latter part of it.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. The first one that comes to my mind is "If you don't live what you sing about, your mirror is going to find out." But I know there's got to be something more appropriate. This year was all about longing and frustration, new beginnings and bittersweet endings, accomplishment and pride, love, loss and respect.

Well, that's a good part of my year in a nut-shell. I'm hoping to write more here, but I've learned that the more promises I make, the more I break.

Current Mood: hungry

(5 bruises | hit me)

Sunday, August 17th, 2003
1:17 pm
I think...
that I might just return.
We'll see.

(1 bruise | hit me)

Sunday, May 4th, 2003
1:24 pm
Finally a lazy weekend...
For some reason I just can't seem to find interest in updating lately. So now for another summary...

Went to Delaware with Steve, which was by far one of the best weekends of my life. He and I do so well when we're away from the stress of everything. We went to his brother's Thursday night and basically just talked all night with him and his friends. Friday we left for Delaware and had a really nice car ride, which was also interesting because neither he nor I are even half-way decent navigators. We had 3 pages of very specific directions from his mother (as she said, Big Bird could follow these) and still had problems from time to time. We spent the weekend totally pampered by his parents, eating, drinking and being merry, basically. We went to the beach (it was cold has hell) Saturday and Sunday and we dyed Easter eggs and I met some of his extended family. It was really good to be with his family and eat good food and such, his family and I get along better than myself and my own family. That's probably because of all the politeness and such, but in any event, I'm closer to his brother than I am to my own.

We had our last party two nights ago, which was weird because it was such a mix of different people. It's weird to think that my days of college partying are over. I guess that's okay though, because I feel kind of like I'm outgrowing it. It's a scary thought, but I'm coming to terms with it. I graduate a week from yesterday and I'm surprisingly a lot calmer than I thought I would be. I'm mostly freaking out about getting a job for the two summer months I'm here. My parents are going to murder me in my sleep if I don't find one soon. Plus I'll need the money in order to pay for gas for the commute to the internship. But I'M FINALLY GETTING MY CAR!! It's about f'ing time.

I think what makes me less nervous about graduating and starting my life in the real world is that I've decided that I want to go to grad school after taking a year off. It would be excellent if my job paid for it, but since I want an MFA, I doubt they will. That's okay with me though, I could use a year of relaxation, probably just working at Cooper and Oliver, and then if I get a fellowship at whatever school I decide to go to, my parents said they'd help me out if it was something I really wanted. I'm really grateful for that, but I guess it will be easier on them then they thought, because my prodigy brother decided on the Eastman School of Music which is quite literally throwing money at him to get him to go there. Already his tuition there is less than JMU's was for me. Bastard.

Things to do this week:
Write Bible Paper
Get internship crap done - finally
Study for film final
Make appointment with vagina doctor before my insurance runs out
Find a fucking summer job
Call Pervy McPerverson about the summer internship
Start applying for real jobs in NYC, the cesspool of the Northeast
Buy cap and gown

It's been so nice to just sit around this weekend and not stress about work. I have so little of it because finals week is generally a breeze for the English major - it's always the week before finals that hates me. Still, I haven't done anything at all this week except start A Prayer For Owen Meany (yay for pleasure reading) and so I should probably work on some crap today. Anyway, not much else to write. Steve and I are good, but as usual, five minutes could change that. He told me at the party the other night when he pulled me into the bathroom completely wasted that he's completely in love with me, couldn't imagine spending his life with anyone else and if he had a ring, he'd propose right then. What bothers me is that he's always more verbally affectionate when he's drunk. I know that he meant 90% of what he said (I'm sure he wouldn't propose to me any time soon) but I wish he could tell me when he's sober. But then the next morning, he told me he meant every word he said, which was really sweet. We're still in limbo about what to do after we leave here. If he doesn't go to Scotland, I'm sure we'll maintain a long-distance relationship for a while...but who knows. Ahhh, this phase is just too weird. But I guess if it didn't scare me, it wouldn't be worth it.

Alrighty...off to read more Owen Meany. Yay! :)

Current Mood: relaxed

(hit me)

Thursday, April 17th, 2003
6:36 pm
New family member!
Let's see...it's been quite some time since I've updated. I'm sure I'm going to forget the most important things and banter about the inconsequential as usual, but either way, I'm going to try for concise.

I've had a bunch of work lately and haven't the incentive or drive to update, because when I'm not working, I'm partying. I've been applying for publishing jobs in New York and the proverbial fish are not biting. I've been seriously considering getting my MFA in poetry because I've recently had a poetic awakening and I need it to be a part of my life in some way. The long term goal is to work in publishing whilst trying to put together a book of poems for publication. Sounds exciting, I know.

Steve finally came through and bought my birthday present: a brand new, cute-as-hell baby rat. I named her Echo, she's tan and white and I'm in love with her. She's currently crawling all over me as I write this. She eats constantly though and is getting big quick. She is quite the fat ass.

Steve and I are doing well and I'm waiting for him to pick me up because we're finally going away together for the weekend. First we're headed to Northern Virginia to visit his brother for the night and then we're off to Delaware to visit his parents at their new house. It's right on the beach and there's a boardwalk and all that jazz, so it should be pretty relaxing. I'm very excited.

Graduation is just three weeks away which is freaking me out. The internship starts immediately and I have to find a job. Arg. It should all be quite an experience, but one I'm not sure I'm ready for. I like dividing my life pretty evenly between learning and partying, but I could definitely use the freedom and the money that comes along with this next phase. I just have to add that the party at Hunter's was so much fun. Corinne and I got extremely drunk beforehand to avoid any uncomfortable small talk, but as it turns out, there was none to be had, it was an excellent time.

Anyhow, I hope to update more in the near future, preferably when I get back from Corinne and Steve weekend. Oh yeah, and how could I forget? I took the big weirdo to the emergency room this morning for what could have been a broken toe, but turned out to just be a painful injury from get this...dropping a tray off food on his foot in the dining hall. You'd think the humiliation would be enough punishment.

OK, bon voyage kiddies. Merry Passover and Happy Easter.

Current Mood: excited

(2 bruises | hit me)

Friday, April 4th, 2003
10:12 am

(hit me)

Tuesday, March 25th, 2003
9:44 am
A more surface, light-hearted update
Quotes of the week:
Seth: What gets a man off? Warmth and moisture. What gets a woman off? Who the hell knows.
Mark Twain: Loyalty to the country always; loyalty to the government only when it deserves it.
Myself: "I bet you've never been with a stupid girl before..."

So the Ani concert, huh? Fucking awesome. Corinne and I had a Corinne squared weekend cause Lizzie and Amy weren't here. It was good times, let me tell you. A lot of drinking beer and coffee, smoking cigarettes and talking. Watching the war live on TV. Dennis Leary and Ani DiFranco. Relationship bullshit. Laughing. We left for Trenton on Saturday and got to Sue's house in time for a quick dinner at Hoagie Haven in Princeton, a walk through the campus with a cigarettes and cups of coffee (It felt VERY "You and me and five bucks" Reality Bites-ish) and some jokes about seducing some smart Princeton boys. Everyone there LOOKED smart. We started joking about going to one of their parties and seeing how smart people party. "Bet you've never been with a stupid girl" and such. Maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, then it was off to see Ani at the Patriot's Center in Trenton. She was gorgeous. She only played for about an hour and 15 minutes and only played Evolve off the new album. She played a lot of older stuff and some really new unreleased stuff. As always, she makes me want to discover myself. Then it was back to Sue's place for some beer, nachos and Bridget Jones's Diary. And just to rant for one more quick second about Steve, it TERRIFIES me that I totally understand Hugh Grant's asshole character when he says "If I can't make it with you, I can't make it with anyone." I'm so scared that I'll always be horrible at relationships and that the only reason I've made it this long with Steve (Almost a year and 3 months, on and off. My longest relationship ever.) is because he's patient and devoted. Arg.

So anyway, Lizzie won't be back until Sunday and we miss her. :( Amy got home from her brother's wedding yesterday and she and I and Seth and Brian went to Highlawn, which is always a good time. We had a very honest and interesting conversation about sex, which was interesting because Brian was going on and on about being a 'minute-man' the first time he has sex with a girl and I'm just sitting there across from Amy and Seth and we're all smirking at each other. At which point Brian exclaims "You would know, Corinne! I was horrible with you when we had sex. I know you know what I'm talking about!" Oh geez. Watching Brian get drunk is hilarious, he's usually so shy.

Last night I stayed at Steve's so I could sleep a little later while he got ready for school and to give Corinne a reprieve from sex noises through our shared wall. It feels so good to be with him, but it makes it that much harder not knowing what path we'll go down. Anyway, I was up at 7:20 this morning and it's kind of nice to have more time in the day to do what I want to do, like update live journal for an hour and a half. I'm meeting Linds for lunch at 12:15, then I've got class at 2:00, 3:30, and 5:00. My poetry class at 5:00 shouldn't be so bad though, because we're meeting in the bookstore for a poetry reading instead of class. Which means I get to put off handing in a poem for yet another week. Then I've got to come back here and muster up the incentive to do work, which I haven't done since before spring break.

So, I went on the interview for the Shenendoah Valley Herald, and I got the internship. I get to do it at the same time as Maureen too, so that'll be fun. I'm not looking forward to moving back home in July. I wish I could stay here with everyone forever. Which for some reason reminds me of that quote for Tuck Everlasting, which has been sustaining me through my anxiety for some time now: "Do not be afraid of death. Be afraid of the unlived life."

Anyway, I'm going to stop updating now because it's time to get some work done and shower. I don't want to be depressed today. The power is there, you just have to plug into it. That's my birthday mantra. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Current Mood: tired

(hit me)

8:46 am
Skip this if you'd rather not read about my relationship and graduation anxieties...
It's been almost a year since I started this little journal, and when I look back at my first few entries, I realize how idealistic and optimistic I was. I don't think it had dawned on me that the approach of graduation and the gruesome facts about the real world can so easily close their grip around naive dreams. A year ago, I still thought I was going to be something I'm not, and I'm still no closer to knowing who I am. I'm utterly co-dependent, I know that for sure.

Steve and I had our first talk about the possibility of moving in together after graduation. If he doesn't go to Scotland, it's an option. He's even thought of places we could live. It's just so strange. Half the time I find myself totally in love with him, and the other half I find myself inescapably irritated with him. Maybe the truth is that, deep down, I always know that he's not THE one. He keeps saying to me that even if he does go to Scotland, it's a possibility that we could get back together after two years. And I'm thinking "HELL NO!" I'm not waiting around two years for him. In that amount of time, I'd ideally like to know who it is I'm going to marry, or at least have him in my life. But, I can't control time, so I might as well stop trying. It's just that, if Steve gets into the Scotland program, he's going. So it makes me wonder about the futility of this relationship. And every time I bring that up, he thinks it's me looking for an excuse to get out of it. After our talk about all this post-graduation stuff the other night, he got really introspective and emotional and I didn't quite know how to read it. That's another thing with Steve, I'm not sure he'll ever REALLY let me in. He always tells me I know him better than anyone, that I know the most about him, and I probably do. But it's not enough, it's like I'm constantly searching for more.

These lyrics just came onto my playlist: Eliza Carthy - "Walk Away"
I've so many people to love in my life
Why should I worry about one
But you put the happy into my happiness
And you put the good times into my fun
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away

What does that mean? I feel like I was supposed to hear that.

Another thing: I'm totally jealous of him. I'm jealous of his good nature, his ever-laid-back character, his likability, his patience, his ability to get up every day and have that ineffable quality that makes him a great teacher, his unspeakable kindness, his stability. And I'm so jealous that he's going to Scotland. How sick am I? I don't want him to go, but I want to go too. I'm jealous that his parents will pay for him to go. I'm jealous of his parents. (Not OF them, but that he has them.) I'm jealous that neither of his parents are alcoholics. I'm jealous that he doesn't have a brother that excels at everything he does. I'm jealous that his parents didn't have to pay for another kid to go to college, so they can send Steve to grad school overseas. (With my brother going to a music school next year, they can't afford to put two kids through school at the same time.) I'm jealous that Steve knows what he wants to do with his life. I'm jealous that my brother keeps getting scholarships and has famous musicians calling him at home and begging him to work with them. I'm jealous that he'll probably make something of himself and that I'm most likely destined for a life of banal normalcy.

Whew, I feel a little cathartic right about now. Steve's parents are renting a house for his graduation for a few days and inviting his friends and their families to come and party all together. My mother wouldn't want to go because she can't drink. But that's not really an issue, since she's getting into Virginia at 4:00am the morning of my graduation because my brother won ANOTHER competition and is going to be a featured soloist the night before somewhere up north. Clearly you can see where her priorities are when it comes to her children. "It's not everyday that Patrick is the FEATURED soloist!" Yeah, it's not every day that I FUCKING GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE EITHER! And by the by, Patrick is ALWAYS the featured something-or-other. And so, to re-cap: Steve's parents rent a house down here for a week to celebrate Steve's graduation and will send him off to Scotland in the fall. My parents favor my brother and will get into town at 4:00am the morning of my graduation, so tired that they'll barely be able to stay awake during the dinner Steve's parents want to have with mine after graduation. THEN, because they have to drive into the night, they won't bring my car with them, so I have to come home with them that weekend just to drive my car back here the next day to start my internship. Congradulations, and happy fucking graduation to me. God, that irritates me to no end.

Anyway, back to my relationship rant. I can't imagine my life without Steve, and I don't want to. There's never been another man who has treated me so well, and yet I always want more from him. That he never sticks to his word is my biggest problem. If he says he'll be over at 10, he'll call at 10:45 to tell me that he still has to shower and do something else, and then he'll be over. If he says he's going to do something, he'll either put it off until the last possible second or not do it at all. This girl in my poetry class was talking to me about this language of love book she and her fiance read. It teaches a person to express the way they feel most loved so the other person can help fulfill that. Well mine, of course, is going out of one's way and spending time to show that they love me. When someone plans ahead for something and spends time doing something for me, I feel most loved. Write me a letter instead of telling me you love me. Make me a mixed CD instead of getting me roses. Spend time, not money. Surprise me. Steve will never do these things. The closest he came to this recently was surprising me by telling me we'd go to the pet store together and pick out a rat for my birthday, because he knows I love them. It was incredibly thoughtful of him and totally unexpected. But my birthday was March 8th, it's now the 25th, and I still don't have my furry little friend. He has to wait until he gets paid again. But somehow, between these two dates, he's gotten a ridiculously hideous tattoo and bought a bunch of reefer. You do the math. It's not that I need him to spend a bunch of money on me or get me something, it's simply the concept of making me feel important, especially on my birthday. Every day that goes by I just feel less and less valued. I know this sounds crazy, but I can't help it.

I don't know why I'm still ranting. I just wish I knew what was going to happen to us after graduation. I get irritated with him for not being a planner, and he gets irritated with me for living in the future and not in the present. And I know that I need to be more present in our relationship, but I'd also like to know more about what he thinks in regard to our future. I know he won't know until he hears about Scotland, but it's like, I don't want to gamble my future on that. And the cycle continues. It's an endless argument for us, which is difficult, because there's no resolution.

And finally, I really want to work on reinventing myself. I can't really do that though, because I don't know who I am. Which scares me, because how can I know if I really love another person if I don't know who I am, what I want and what I love? The Ani concert made me think more about all this and my co-dependency with Steve and finding what it is that "I'd cut off an ear for" so to speak. Anyway, I'm going to write my less analytic entry now. I feel a little better.

Current Mood: frustrated

(hit me)

Monday, March 17th, 2003
4:32 pm
Back to school, back to school...
So remember all that internship stuff (journals and papers and such) I said I was going to get done over break? Yeah, that didn't so much happen. I didn't even get the stuff done that was due this week. I bummed around and shopped and drank all week. It was good times, except being apart from Steve was excruciating for the both of us. I did end up going to Dave and Busters and having a kick ass time there with Sue, Julie, Aaron, Amy, Jane, and four of Aaron's friends. Sue and I ended up getting pretty trashed and accumulated hundreds of undeserved arcade tickets by kicking the coin machine when no one was looking. Good times.

Amy and I drove back to JMU together on Sunday which is always a good time. Of special note were my exremely frequent urination pitstops at identical McDonalds's (I have the bladder of a 2-year-old) and the incident wherein Amy and I walked away from the gas pump to try and locate the Golden Arches that had seemed to disappear magically and all of a sudden the broken gas pump is spilling excess fuel all over Amy's car and the ground around it. That's not supposed to happen. It just proves that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident. Ha. Needless to say, our French (or not anymore) fries and Diet Cokes tasted like gasoline and we were afraid to smoke and ash out the window. Luckily, we didn't blow up.

Then, when we're about an hour or two from home, Corinne calls to inform us that we have leakage resulting in significant puddles in the kitchen and one of the bathrooms. Cool. Turns out the assholes that live three floors above us left their rabbit alone over break, and this genius rabbit (or regular rabbit with doltish owners) somehow got out of its cage, located some piping (note: there is no exposed piping in these apartments) and chewed through just the right ones so that there'd be a tremendous water spillage through two, folks, TWO floors of apartment. Awesome. So not only are we STILL leaking, but our apartment now smells like mold, for whatever reason.

Anyway, last night was the much anticipated reunion with Steve, which was so wonderful. We're so cute. We laid in bed for a few hours just talking and listening to music singing to each other and kidding around. That's my favorite way to spend time with him. And how cute is he? He bought me a toothbrush! He got the stupid tattoo on his arm, but it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And if I look at it real fast or out of my peripheral vision so that it looks non-descript, it's actually sexy. I just try not to look directly at it, kind of like an eclipse. Anyway, it was a beautiful night, and we only got about three hours of sleep because he had to get up to teach early. But as a side note, watching him dress up in the morning like he's a real grown-up person is SUCH a turn on. I'm so proud of what he's doing, it amazes me every day.

Since I've put off all my work, I've got quite a bit piling up, but I've decided not to stress about it because I'm a senior and I shouldn't have to, dammit. And recently I've been getting signs that life is just to short to take advantage of. I had a really good talk with Amy this morning about living a fulfilling life with no regrets, and while that's easier said than done, it makes me think about how I want to improve my life, to figure out what I want, and to not become the co-dependent person I see myself becoming. I love Steve, but I want to make sure I love myself as someone seperate from him.

I'm stressing about the future again and panic attacks are in abundance. I have no idea where I'm going, what I'm doing or who I'm going to live with, and this is all stuff I have to figure out like post haste. I've been trying to call on that journalism internship all afternoon and the damn lines are busy. If I get it, that'll keep me here with the ladies and Steve well into the summer. Anyway, it's down to business. Corinne and I have decided we're going to get beer and celebrate the Irish and their alcoholic contibutions to western society with the Hit'er Boys tonite. I'm not sure it's actually been talked over yet, but whatever.

Current Mood: happy

(2 bruises | hit me)

Wednesday, March 12th, 2003
8:55 pm
Quite a long time...
So it's been a while since I've written anything, but I've been busy, surprisingly. Sue came to visit me at school for my birthday and we went to B'Dubs one night and then went to Northern Virginia Saturday to stay with Steve's brother and went out to a bar by his place. Steve and I got in a fight about which I'd rather not post here, and it was just awful. Eventually we got over it and slept together on a make-shift mattress that was incredibly uncomfortable. (That was the VERY abridged version of this weekend.) It was excruciating saying goodbye to Steve. Sue and I drove home on Sunday and the night hadn't even ended before I realized that despite how much I LOVE my parents, I CANNOT live with then when I graduate. God only knows what will happen though. Monday night I went out to a diner with Sue and Mike and then last night I went to MB&G and the Ramapo Valley Brew Pub with Sue, Kevin, Chris and Don and got pretty hammered, not really expecting to. As usual, they wouldn't let us pay, which is really nice of them. Steve got his tattoo yesterday, and while I don't agree with what he chose (A dollar sign? Who DOES that?) I think it will be pretty sexy, at least I hope...

Monday Sue and I went to H&M for a routine shopping spree and I got a pair of jeans (Finally! Life is good when I find jeans that fit.) another pair of pants that I may return, a shirt and two bags, one of which I may also return. I need to head back there later in the week. Yesterday I stopped by the pet store to look at little critters and such and decided that I definitely want to get another rat. Steve said he'd pay for everything as my birthday present! :) Today I went and got my hair cut, which was pretty futile since you can't even tell. I only wanted a trim, but I barely got that. Anyway, at least it's layered better than the last time. Then I went and picked up some pictures and they're SO CUTE! There are some excellent ones of the roomies and me and Steve and me, which is good because Steve and I have like ZERO good pictures of the two of us. And I've barely gotten any work done. Here's a tip: If you haven't read John Updike's The Centaur yet, DON'T.

Steve and I have been talking about 4 times a day and the co-dependency of this relationship is starting to really freak me out. Granted, my feelings for him are stronger than ever, but they scare me. I've never had a relationship like this before and I'm afraid that my feelings are destructive rather than constructive. Like I need him to feel whole. My parents keep telling me I need to work on myself before I can seriously commit to anyone, and I know they're right, but I don't want to screw up the best thing I have going in my life. Ahhh! We've also been talking about what we're going to do when it's time to pack up and leave VA, and we still don't know. I think we're going to have the really serious talk when we're back at school and face to face. They way it looks, things just may not end when school does. We'll see. But before any of that happens, we've decided to take a Corinne and Steve getaway weekend and go stay at a Bed and Breakfast in some cute town or another. Quite possibly New Hope, PA. It's going to be super expensive, but I think the time together will be worth it.

For now, I've got to get back to reading so I can hit up The Shepherd and the Knucklehead tonite for some exotic beer, Trivial Pursuit and a half pack of cigarettes. I'm DD tonite. Not as fun, but quite a bit cheaper. Peace out my niggas and h-to-the-izzo's.

Current Mood: horny

(hit me)

Thursday, March 6th, 2003
12:25 pm
Ooohh, look what I learned to do...
I'm so high tech. This picture is all thanks to Poolegrl. I hate it though. (Not Poolegrl's job, just this picture.) Anyway, I probably won't be using it often, I just wanted to show off how technologically inclined I am.

Thanks to LJ, I'm so going to miss the bus.

Current Mood: rushed

(hit me)

11:56 am
It would feel so good to be in your arms, where all my journies end...
I've had this impending sense of doom lately, which I used to get a lot more often. I'm grateful for not having this feeling all the time, but it's so difficult when it creeps up on me again. Steve's been so great through it all, he's a master at dealing with my mood swings. I know that it has a lot to do with my extremely high stress levels this week - the pre-break deadlines for papers and such, Spring Break itself (the parents, the hometown, the change, etc.), a bad case of PMS and cramps, my monthly freakout about my period (or lack thereof), apprehensions about Steve (caused in part by my monthly pregnancy anxieties), etc. I feel a great deal better today, though, because I'm skipping my second class, which means just DHall with the Linds and Film class with Amy, in which we just do crosswords, and I only have my concluding paragraph to write on my mythology paper. Then tonite is the Vagina cast party, tomorrow (change of plans) we're going to B'Dubs for my birthday celebration, and then Saturday Steve, Sue, Liz and I are going to visit Steve's brother in NoVA, which is always a really fun time. I love Greg.

I'm just relieved to have everything done and over with and I'm excited to see my family. I miss my mother a lot and I haven't been able to sit down and talk with her since what happened a month ago, and I'm craving a long afternoon coffee-talk with her. I'm happy about the prospects of this weekend and hope it goes by really slowly for maximum personal enjoyment. Today should be a really wonderful day. I'm feeling better about the whole Steve-and-Me thing and we've been able to see each other almost every day this week, if even just for a few minutes. He's so good to me and I often find myself sitting around thinking, "I can't believe he picked me. I can't believe he loves me so much that he doesn't mind putting up with the moodiness and bullshit. I can't believe I've pinned one of the greatest men I've met in my life." I'm so grateful.

I'm loving today. Since last night, I've been having one of those "I just fucking love life" moments where you realize how beautiful everything is and how lucky you are. These don't always come so often, so I latch onto them when they do. Now, if only I could just erase the raging hormone factor... TONITE: Corinne and I kick everyone's ass in beer pong, so WATCH OUT!!

Current Mood: grateful

(hit me)

Tuesday, March 4th, 2003
11:47 am
Quick pre-class rant...
I am going insane. My eyes are doing the whole camera-one-camera-two thing unprovoked. I don't know why I'm freaking out, I have ample time to write this paper and my professor responded to my email about my paper topic with "An excellent idea! You GO!" That was actually pretty funny. I just can't think of anything substantial to write about. I have class till 7:30 tonite and then I'm making a Fat Tuesday dinner for Steve and Corinne and I, then I have to work on my paper more. I have a movie viewing tomorrow night and won't be home until 7 or so. I also have a Sister Speak meeting to copy and staple the issue during my usual break. Thursday night is the Vagina Monologue cast party and I'm also going out to dinner with Steve. I have no idea when I'm going to get this done. My stupid ass non-fiction profile was due today and it sucks cause I don't give a rats ass about that class and I have a poetry presentation to give this evening. Blarg.

On a up note, I will be getting trashed every day this weekend starting Thursday at the Vagina party (The Monologues were amazing by the way, props to Amy!). Sue is coming Friday and with any luck, a bunch of us are going to see The Life of David Gale. Saturday is my birthday! I'd like to get to B'Dubs and take a lot of shots to counteract the not-so-glamourous prospect of turning 22. Then Sunday Suey and I will head back home to Jersey for Spring Break. It'll be so nice to see the fam and Jules and just to relax (and, you know, do all the work I need to catch up on so I can graduate).

Okay, I have to leave for DHall with the ladies now and fill up since I won't be eating until 8:00 or so. Run off copies for my poetry presentation. Sweat over the mythology paper. Pine for the weekend.

Current Mood: crazy

(hit me)

Saturday, March 1st, 2003
12:23 pm

(hit me)

11:35 am
Stolen from Sitonmykarma, it was too irresistable...
When I am done with this survey, I vow to finish my mythology take-home midterm and then work on my profile. By the end of today, I will also have chosen a poem to present in class.

1. Who did you last get angry with? Steve
2. What is your weapon of choice? My cutting sarcasm
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? Yes, and I have
4. How about of the same sex? If she hit me first
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Steve, maybe?
6. What is your pet peeve? Passive-aggression
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Depends on who the person is and what they did. I've been known to keep the occasional grudge.

1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Floss
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? 5pm I think.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: Mom, Julie
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I make lame excuses all the time.
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones...)? no
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? I'm anti-workout, but I do walk home from campus three days a week.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? My alarm clock was not set this morning

1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Orange Mocha Frappucino's!!!! Just kidding. That was for my Zoolander kiddies. For serious, Mocha Frappucino's from Starbucks. And Bloody Mary's.
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? White
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? Obviously I wouldn't know the answer to that question. But my guess would be about 15.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Hell no
5. Do you have an issue with your weight? Hell yes, not so much currently, but in the past
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? Salty, and I'm teased for it all the time.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"? Um, not so much.

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? About 25
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family? About 25
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Yes.
4. Have you "done it"? Yes.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Lips, hands, teeth.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? I don't think so.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? Yes.

1. How many credit cards do you own? None, but I do have a debit card.
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? I don't really have one. I only shop at H&M and thrift stores. Maybe Victoria's Secret?
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Buy shoes and travel.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Rich.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? I hate to admit it, but yes. I probably wouldn't stay at it for long though, I'm not good with boredom. Probably just long enough to be financially secure.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? Yes. I steal our neighbor's newspaper almost every day. And just for the crossword puzzle, too. I'm going to hell.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? Before I got my new computer, I had about 1,500. Now I have 270.

1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? There's a lot of stupid crap I'm proud of, but I don't usually go around being proud about stuff.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? Probably being the first one in the family to graduate college in four years. London, grades, jobs, etc.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? I would really love to write a novel or publish a book of poems. Sooo not gonna happen.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? Sometimes, I have a very stong competetive streak just under my skin.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? Yes, Super Mario Kart
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? Yes.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? I woke up before noon.

1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? I don't know, maybe Corinne's black shirt that I always borrow or Sue's waistline.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? No one. Ever. But if I HAD to pick a friend I'd trust to redecorate my room, it'd probably be Julie. I'd be really scared though. Everything would be jade and bamboo-y.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Ani DiFranco.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? Not to my knowledge, but I think that's the point of cheating.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? All the time.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? Confidence.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? Not really.
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? Lust and Gluttony. They go hand in hand.

This is one survey I'd actually like to see the people on my friends list fill out. Happy sinning, see you in Hell.

Current Mood: stressed

(hit me)

Tuesday, February 25th, 2003
2:52 pm
merriment and floors caving in
So I'm sure my birthday party was awesome, though I wouldn't know because I passed out before it ended. As usual, we freaked out about not enough people coming, and as usual the apartment was flooded at 1:30. So I spent the first half stressing about the former, and the last half too drunk to appreciate the latter. I didn't think I had had a lot to drink, but then at around 3:00 I took an ill-advised jello shot and ran to the bathroom to spew everything I'd eaten in the past week. I tried my hardest to keep partying after that, but to no avail. I was so upset with myself because I never react that badly to alcohol, I never throw up at night and I never pass out mid-party. Turns out that three kamikazee shots, four jello shots and about five big cups of beer will do that to me.

The night before that (Friday), Steve and I and some friends went to a party in South View that ended up being a bunch of drunk Freshmen no one knew dancing on couches and grinding to bad music in the living room. We hadn't even finished our first cup of beer when the floor snapped and began to cave in. And we were on the third floor. I wasn't sure what had actually happened, thinking that the gravity that was trying to push me forward to the center of the room was all in my head. Turns out it wasn't and that the entire living room was at that point concave and probably weakening further with every passing minute. So we got the hell out of there before we fell to our deaths, passing through two apartments of bewildered strangers on the way down, and went back to Steve's where we watched Sixteen Candles, had some wine and went to bed.

And this just in: Sue is coming for my birthday weekend!!!! YAY! We'll all be able to go out togther on the 8th (my b'day) and then we'll drive home to Jersey together (we have the same spring break, rock on) listening to new mixed CD's and having a Sue and Corinne time, which is always fun. I'm happy that I'll get to see my parents, which I didn't think I'd get to do until graduation, and I'll be able to see Julie! Canada is off, which is kind of a bummer, I've always wanted to go there, but it seemed a little like a thrown together plan that everyone was getting discouraged about. Plus I'm runnning low on the bling bling.

It's supposed to snow again Wednesday and all day Thursday and possibly Friday and Saturday too, which could potentially mean no class on Thursday, and I'm in love with that idea. I have a profile rough draft due that day which I haven't started. I'm getting a little tired with everything getting pushed back, but it's still nice to not have to go to class. My 3:30 was cancelled today so I decided not to go to my 2:00 either, so I'm only going to poetry at 5:00, which is three hours, then I'm seeing Poloroid Stories at 8:00 with Steve and Corinne and then I have to come back here to write the review, due tomorrow at 11:00am. Then I have to do that profile, work on a mythology paper and do a take home midterm for mythology this weekend. I also have a poetry presentation to do this weekend, due on Tuesday. Blarg. I'm a senior dammit! I shouldn't be doing all this crap. Pray for snow day, pray for snow day, pray for snow day.

Last night I went to Highlawn happy hour from 6-9. 25 cent beer and wings for three hours = one happy Corinne. I got back here around 10 and went to bed to catch up on some sleep and ended up sleeping till noon. Yeah for sleeping 14 hours. Now I'm going to scrounge for more food, because I'd always rather be eating and then I'm going to try and get some work done before class. Hoping I'll actually stick to that plan.

Current Mood: quixotic

(hit me)

Friday, February 21st, 2003
3:05 pm
down the road of black and white i overlook the gray...
it might disturb the rose-colored glass between me and what my heart has to say...

This week has been really good, crazy, busy, etc. I believe I already wrote about the crazy parties we had on both Saturday and Monday. We have a party almost every week now, it's such a trip. People trudged through the snow on foot from across town for both parties, so we feel honored. :) My birthday is coming up in about three weeks, so more parties to come, and Amy proclaimed that we're having a party tomorrow night too, so you know, and so it goes.

I've been so busy with work lately though, I've got a trillion papers and articles to write that are trying to put a damper on my last semester partying, but I will not let them! Muah ha ha!

And the big news of the week is that Steve and I are back together as of 9:00 am yesterday morning. And we've decided to make it official, which is a first. A whole year of being together (on and off) and we never made it official, and now here we are. I feel so blessed to have him in my life though. I often find myself thinking, here's a guy who is seriously the sweetest, kindest, most patient man I've ever met in my life, and he loves ME! And I just can't believe it. He's a miracle. And the strange thing is that now that we have a title, I think he's finally able to feel really secure in our relationship and he's been paying me all this extra attention already, and it's really nice. I think one of the reasons it was so easy for me to seek out other people before was because he wasn't constantly showering me with attention, which, I'm somewhat ashamed to say, I thrive on. If I'm not getting attention from the man I'm with, than I'm more than ready to get it somewhere else, and this, combined with a lot of liquor, has gotten me in trouble before.

So it looks like tonite Steve and I and whoever of my roommates want to go are going to a party in South View, which is hope is fun. It's quite a relief to go to a party when I'm not hosting it. And also, Sue might be coming down here for my birthday weekend, which would make me so happy! Now, if only I could convince Julie... yeah, that'll never happen. I had an awful dream last night that I found some lumps in my breasts and I went to a nurse who made is sound really bad, and I was so scared. And also, I have no idea where any of my roommates are. One second they were here, and now they've disappeared. Strange...

Anyway, I guess that's about all for now. I'm really happy. All my relationships seem to be going really well and all my work keeps me balanced and disciplined, which is good for me. The partying is abundant, which is always nice. Oh yeah, and last night I went to a party after the Poloroid Stories rehearsal for (I'm writing the review and preview articles) and Amy and I left at 2:30 because we were tired and not feeling well. I don't really know what happened with my alarm clock this morning, but I woke up at 11:06 and my first class is at 11:15. So I had ample time to get to my second class (I have the same teacher for both classes) and while I was deciding whether or not to even go to the second one, I fell asleep till 2:00. I'm such a shmuck. But anyway, it's like not having Friday classes again, plus I was so spoiled with snow days Monday and Tuesday that I was too lazy to even go today, but oh well.

Okay, I really have to get started on the article that's due tomorrow because Steve's supposed to come over after school (yeah, he's just finishing as I'm getting up, awesome) and I haven't taken a shower yet and I can't stop procrastinating. Ahhh!

Current Mood: happy

(hit me)

Monday, February 17th, 2003
2:48 pm
Snowed in and stir crazy...
So this very extended weekend kicks ass, but I'm going a little nuts being holed up in the apartment. Classes are cancelled today due to the foot-and-a-half or so of snow we've got, and tomorrow is assessment day, which means no classes before 4pm. I, of course, have a three hour class starting at 5, but I'm hoping it's cancelled because a) I don't like 3 hours classes and b) our complex is far from touched by a plow and all the cars in the lot are completely stuck, if not covered completely with snow.

I haven't done any work so far because it seems like I'm on some kind of break, even though that's far from the case. I still have to do all the work for my internship (which I'm planning on doing over Spring Break) and I have two papers due on the same day coming up March 3rd. That's so far away, you say. And yes it is, but between now and then, I have two Breeze articles to write, a poetry presentation, a film presentation, a Mythology midterm and a rought draft of a profile for non-fiction. That's not counting the reading and writing I have to do for regular homework every day.

I started taking notes for my Bible paper, but I can't seem to make myself write it even though I'm completely bored. I'll probably get on that after this entry cause at least I'll feel accomplished.

Valentine's Day was wonderful, discounting a mid-celebration fight, which was resolved quickly because whenever I cry (and I ONLY cry in front of Steve) he gets too upset to leave things as they are and stays with me until we work it out. Which we did. But anyway, he showed up to take me out to dinner with a dozen roses in hand (gorgeous) and then we drove around to about 4 places until we found one (L'Italia) that didn't have a half hour wait because we had to make it to Amy's play on time. Dinner was yummy and we had some really good conversation, which we rarely have time to do anymore, and then we saw Trust, which was excellent. We're all very proud of Amy. Then we came back here and had our argument and smoothed things out and had some wine. I gave him the CD I made which he liked and then he forced me to let him read the poem I wrote about this really amazing shower we took together last week. He told me he'd been thinking about it all week (so had I) and that it was more of a spiritual experience than a sexual one (which it was). More sweet stuff was said about that, but I think I've gone too far with this already. It was really a very unique experience and I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He's the most amazing man I've ever met, hands down. Anyway, so Valentine's Day ended really romantically...he washed my hair for me (no one's ever done that before) and then we went to bed, yadda yadda yadda, and fell asleep playing the movie game.

On Saturday is started snowing pretty hardcore, but Lizzie and Corinne and I were able to make it to the campus theater to see Punch Drunk Love, which I adored. I need to see it again though. Then we got back here and finished setting up for the cast party, which went really fast, but it was a total blast. There ended up being a lot of people here, which we didn't think was going to happen because of the weather. Corinne and I kicked ass in beer pong and became legends with a bunch of sophomore guys who were amazed at our somewhat accidental ability and went around all night saying "Have you played the Corinne's yet? The Corinne's are amazing!" We had an entourage, it was pretty cool. I woke up in the morning surprised at my lack of hangover (jello shots, beer, jello shots, beer, jello shots, beer, vodka) and realized that there were still two partiers in our house who couldn't get home because of the snow, so Amy made a scraped together breakfast for everyone with the little food we had, and it was kind of cute.

We're beginning to run out of food stuffs and only have *gasp* one more pot of coffee's worth of grinds. Also, only about ten cigarettes between the three of us smokers. I just found out assessments AND evening classes are cancelled tomorrow, which rocks. Yay for a four-day weekend and an upcoming three-day week. I should really get started on some of this work I have to do though.

I guess that's all for now, nothing really excited happens when you've barely gone past the threshhold of your front door for two days. We did have a rather lively game of Trivial Pursuit and an outrageous laugh fest last night though. Then Corinne and I watched some Michael Jackson interview and it scared the bejesus out of me. That man is PSYCHO! And to think that I was in love with him when I was four. Then I had a dream that we went to war and Osama Bin Laden had planted a bomb in Lizzie's uterus and she, my father and I and one attendant were the only ones on a plane together when it was supposed to go off. I would really like these recurring apocalyptic nightmares to end. OK, onward and upward.

Current Mood: listless

(hit me)

Wednesday, February 12th, 2003
12:25 am
Please don't go outside and discover that you like being free...
Today was a relatively good day, but non-stop busy. I had a mid-term in film, and two workshops, one in my non-fiction class and the other in my poetry class on a semi-erotic sonnet I wrote that I'm considering giving to Steve on V-day. We'll see. Speaking of V-day, I'm extremely excited, condsidering it's a holiday I've consistently boycotted up until last year. Steve and I are going to the Wood Fired Oven Italian Restaurant (a long name, to which I usually had about 3 or 4 more words out of confusion and unsure-ity) and then going to see Amy's play (I'm going tomorrow, opening night, too. Yay for directing debuts!). Liz and Corinne are going to the midnight show that night, so Steve and I will have the apartment to ourselves. I'm thinking of getting some wine and chocolate covered strawberries and making a CD that runs the gamut of our relationship chronologically from beginning to present. I want to do something else too, but I'm not sure what. (He asked me for my measurements and insinuated that he wanted to pick me up something from Victoria's Secret. Kinda glad I don't know my measurements, I don't think whored out teddies are my style, but whatever.) Anyway, we're both excited. It should be a really great night.

Today was Steve's first day of student teaching and I'm really proud of him. He called me earlier to tell me about it and was completely stoned out of his mind, which was interesting as usual. He couldn't even remember what he did yesterday which made me nervous and suspicious, but he assured me that I have nothing to worry about. Ever since we decided to call it quits (yeah, obviously that's working out really well) I've been really nervous about our relationship, like that he'll cheat on me or some shit, which is kind of impossible since we're "not together." Anyway, he told me he'd tell me if anything happened, but that it wouldn't, and told me to do the same for him. My feelings for him have been so intense lately, I think about him all the time and it's really hard. I know it's just because the circumstances are different than they used to be and for no other reason (I don't think). I'm really fine with the way things are. Can't say I wasn't happy when he said he missed me, couldn't wait for Friday and asked me to go stay at his brother's apartment with him on Saturday. Things are good at least, better friendship-wise than they've been in a while, and excellent in the sex department.

But enough about him. Christ, I'm turning into a sappy crap for crap. Last night Liz, Seth, Brian and I and two of Seth's friends went to Highlawn for 25 cent beer and wings, which is always a treat. Had a lot of laughs (many in the genre of pooping and I'm not even a dick and fart joke kind of girl, but apparently these things change when I'm loaded up with obscenely cheap beer) and generally a great time. I can always look forward to Monday's. I had a really good chat with Sethie and I now know all about his herb farm, which is surprisingly quite fascinating to me.

OK, I lied about being done talking about Steve. On Saturday we had another great Corinne and Steve night out together. We went to El Charro for dinner and rented Man on the Moon (after spending an hour in Blockbuster because our movie tastes are about as conflicting as you can get) because he'd never seen it. I made us a couple batches of frozen margueritas and we just chilled out and then he stayed over. It was really nice to have him to myself all night like I used to, but we're just too busy to be doing that anymore. Anyway, it had been a tough day for me with family shit hitting the fan and he always seems to make the bad stuff go away, at least temporarily. I've begun to love waking up next to him. Then Sunday I got stir crazy and PMS-y so we went to the Dodger for coffee and conversation, which is always a pleasing break.

If I haven't mentioned that I saw Of Mice and Men, I just want to take a moment to say WOW. Jason gave an extremely moving performance as Lennie and the show in general was unforgettable. As usual I was pissed off that the Breeze dumbed down my review, but what can you do. They also said that me writing the articles for Amy's play was a "conflict of interest" which is so understandable, but the girl who ended up writing it sounded like she just graduated from the third grade. (I really think I'm unjustifiably elitist about The Breeze and how fucking stupid I feel they can be there. But seriously, the articles go through 4 editors and they still have typos, some of which weren't there even when the writer handed it in.) Anyway, needless to say, I'm sure Amy's play will be wonderful and I'm really excited to see it.

With any luck I'm going to pass out soon, but I'm still having trouble sleeping. Once again, I'm counting on the Excederin PM and hoping it won't leave me groggy in the morning.

PS - Looks like we're going to Canada for Spring break!!
PSS - So I'm on the rag aka not knocked up, but Steve and I had a very interesting conversation about what we'd actually do if I was. We had some telekenetic thing going on this month, because he was bizarrely worried too. Anyway, I'm actually surprized at the outcome of that talk, because it seems like we'd seriously considering keeping it, because, well, it's us, plus we're both rather morally opposed to abortions if we can at all avoid it. He told me he thinks we'd have really great kids. NOT that we want to right now, but I thought that was adorable of him to say. I'm such a dork. I really need to cut it out with the baby fever. OK, really going to sleep now.

Current Mood: sleepy

(1 bruise | hit me)

Saturday, February 8th, 2003
2:20 am
and what can i do but wallow in you unintentionally...

Current Mood: drunk

(hit me)

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